Who will be placed in your home?
We have asked to be licensed for children ages 3 to 12. We would like two siblings, and would prefer elementary school children. We have also asked to be licensed for foster children, legal risk children, and match adopt. We would like a “boy, plus one.” In other words, we would like to have a son, and his sibling. Yes, we would love to have one of each. But we only have the one bedroom (with awesome bunk beds), and children over the age of six cannot share a bedroom with the opposite gender.
Who are the foster children?
Foster kids are taken from their homes for every conceivable reason.
Maybe Mom was in a car accident and CPS couldn’t find her relatives in a short amount of time. This child will of course be returned to her family as soon as Mom is out of the hospital or awake and can call her best friend or cousin to take care of the little one.
Maybe Mom and Dad had their first child at age 15, and a second right behind. They got crummy jobs and an even crummier apartment. They are barely more than children themselves and have absolutely no parenting skills. Their children are taken away when they leave them home alone. These parents could take parenting classes and receive training and help. They will be able to get their kids back and be better parents for the experience.
Mom is on drugs. She has no permanent residence, instead she lives with a new boyfriend every six months or so. One of these “uncles” molests her daughter. While her daughter is in foster care the legal system prosecutes the boyfriend, clears Mom of any intentional wrongdoing, Mom goes to rehab, gets a job, gets her own apartment, attends parenting classes, and eventually gets her daughter back. Maybe she will be a good mom this time, or maybe she will rebound and her daughter will be right back in foster care after four months. By then, her original foster family to whom she had bonded already has other children and she is placed with strangers again.
Then there is the very far end of the spectrum. Child is unconscious in the ER with multiple wounds. CPS takes custody immediately. The investigation finds that the parents have been ritually torturing and sexually abusing their 2 year old child. God, I hope these parents will never even see their kid again. Sorry, but it’s true.
What is Match Adopt?
Match Adopt kids are completely available to adopt. Their birth parents have had their parental rights terminated. If our agency finds match adopt kids that they think will match our family, they send us information. We can decide if we want to pursue the process. If so, the agency submits our homestudy information, including our history, all our info, pictures, etc. The child’s caseworker reads through all the homestudies that are submitted for these children. The caseworker (a CPS adoption caseworker, not someone from our agency) will pick out the top three homestudies. At this point, if we are the top three, we get more detailed info on the kids, and decide whether to pursue. If so, our agency will get an opportunity to present us to the child’s caseworker. If we are then chosen, we receive the child’s ENTIRE CASE HISTORY. Boxes of stuff include everything that has happened to the kid. We then read through it all, and say yes or no. If all has gone well at this point, we can begin meeting the child. After several meetings, and overnight visits, the child will be moved to our home. Then the adoption process is in full swing. After living with us for six months, adoption can be finalized. At this point, we are done.
Who are Legal Risk kids?
Legal risk kids are somewhere in between regular foster children and kids that are available to adopt. The law mandates that the goal of foster care is to reunite the child with the birth family, no matter what. Sometimes the law is a bit crazy in thinking the birth parents could or should ever be parents again. Sometimes a caseworker and the system know a lot more than just the law, and the goal for certain kids is no longer reuniting with birth parents, but instead to terminate the parental rights and look for an adoptive family.
With a legal risk placement, the new goal is usually adoption but there is still a “risk” that the child will be returned to the birth parents.
Who are these kids and why are they now legal risk?
Sometimes a kid has been in foster care before, sometimes several times. The parents made enough changes to convince CPS that they could be good parents, they got their kids back, then they went right back to doing whatever they did before. The birth parents may have lost their rights to their other children and then continued having children without making changes in their living situation and parenting abilities. Some are mothers that repeatedly have babies born addicted to drugs. Unfortunately, some of these mothers have had already lost their rights to three or four other children, and they just keep having babies that will be placed into foster care.
The child may be labeled legal risk at any point. It may be the day they are taken from their parents. It may be while they are already in foster care. If they are currently in a foster home that is not a foster-to-adopt home, then CPS may want to move the child to a potential adoptive home so the child will begin bonding with a permanent family as soon as possible. The process is then similar to the match adopt kids. Our homestudy is presented to the child’s caseworker. The caseworker chooses the best fit. We visit the kids, then they are moved to our home. They are still foster children, but are on the road to becoming adoptable children.
Does legal risk mean that you definitely get to keep these kids?
Not every legal risk placement will end in adoption. The birth parents may pull a rabbit out of their hats and actually win back their kids. They may pursue every single appeal process and just manage to convince a judge. Or they might actually make real and lasting changes to their lives and be good parents. Or maybe a relative will step up before the parental rights are finally terminated and claim the child. Family placements are still considered a better thing for the child, as they will not lose their culture, family, and everything.
Once the parent’s rights are terminated for any foster child, what happens?
When parental rights are terminated, the foster parents with whom the children live are given the first right of adoption. We say yes, and the six month waiting period begins. Adoption is finalized after six months, and we are done.
If parental rights haven’t been terminated, they could still be sent back to the birth parents. So, should I wait to get to know him until after he is yours?
No! The best thing for these kids is to be a part of a functioning family as soon as possible. Even if they have to leave, they will carry those memories for the rest of their lives. They will remember what it is to be loved, to be a part of a real family. We have only done our jobs well if our hearts would be broken if that child has to leave. If we have held back, then the child has been short-changed by life yet again. Yes it would be hard to say goodbye, but we will know that we did the best we could, that we made a difference in that life.
And then there is the other side of the coin. What if you do hold back your affections from our son, and then he really and truly becomes your grandson. He will always remember that you were cold and stand-offish. You may be forever robbed of the relationship you should have had.
Just wait, I’m sure you’ll get pregnant as soon as you adopt.
That is no longer a welcome option. I have done the pregnancy thing four five too many times with abysmal results. If I were to get pregnant right this minute, I would most likely be terrified of the potential outcome.
We have made other plans and moved on. In fact, having an infant while being parents to two elementary school kids that have had a rough time and deserve as much of our attention as we can give… this is a recipe for disaster.
Once we actually made the decision to give up on pregnancy, it was very freeing. To tell the complete truth, no part of me ever had any burning desire to not sleep for days on end, change diapers, and teach someone to use the toilet. I may not be “old”, but I’m plenty old enough to know that I need a good night’s sleep. And I am very, very comfortable with having children old enough to go potty and use words.
So in other words, don’t say this. We will be taking permanent steps to avoid any possibility of pregnancy.
Ok, ok… I won’t talk about pregnancy any more. When will you get kids?!?
Patience is a virtue. And we’re getting a lot of practice around here. It’s been about six weeks since the homestudy. We should give them another couple of weeks. At that point, we can be licensed. We will sign our actual paperwork with the state, and then go on the list. They may call within 24 hours with an emergency foster placement. Or they may take six months to pick out the right Match Adopt kids. We just have to wait and see.
